


The Bitter Pill

by GoldenHero



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Oikawa Is A Doctor., On Par With Nyctophobia, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drug Use, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6157075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenHero/pseuds/GoldenHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keiji knew that he was leaving Fukurodani. He also knew that he loved Bokuto, so much that it hurt him. He knew that he was leaving for another school in Japan, so far away from Bokuto, that he would never see him again.<br/>And in truth, he's willing to take that bitter pill by himself.<br/>After trying to kill himself, he finds a doctor, one that is willing to take him in and heal him. <br/>His life is gone, and he feels abandoned. <br/>((Slight Edit! Also, there are two endings to this story, one is where Akaashi dies, and the other is a separate story where Akaashi leaves with mystery doctor~!))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

First, it was the sound of Keiji's heart breaking. 

He stared at the abnormally serious Bokuto before him as he spoke, smiling lightly. "I'm sorry, Akaashi," he said, his voice for once soft. "I don't love you." 

Keiji felt tears build up in his eyes slowly, but instead of letting them fall, he pressed them back, nodding a little to Bokuto as he spoke, his voice shaking heavily. "I-it's alright." He whispered as he looked down, the tears streaming before he could stop them. 

He smiled a little, looking back up to Bokuto as he spoke again, "at least I could tell you before I had to leave. Thank you for rejecting me, Bokuto-san." He said, seeing the confusion on Bokuto's face melt into fear, the taller teen shaking his head. 

"Akaashi please, don't...Don't go.. Don't leave me!" Bokuto sobbed now, tears freely falling from his eyes. It broke Keiji's heart more, but he forced himself forward, and ignored the pain in Bokuto's eyes as he took a shaky breath, preparing himself for what was to come next. 

 "It was only a matter of time," Keiji whispered, interrupting the wide eyed and trembling Bokuto as he forced himself to speak, "Thank you for rejecting me, I don't know what I would have done if you accepted." He said softly, his throat choking up as he bowed to Bokuto, it would probably be the final time that he would ever do this, before he pulled his Volleyball uniform from his sports bag, handing it to Bokuto. 

"Goodbye, Bokuto-san. Thank you for the times I had with you." Keiji nodded to him, and before the owl-looking teen could speak, Keiji turned and left the gym, letting the tears fall freely as he all but ran from the school, seeing his mother in the car, their things already piled into the car and the moving van. 

He took a deep breath as he approached, slipping into the front seat next to his mother who looked over at him, her eyes soft in pity. She reached over and silently petted down his short hair, smiling at him. 

No words had to be spoken between them, both Keiji and his mother knew that speaking would only make it worse. She knew what unrequited love was like, and now that her son did, she almost immediately disliked Bokuto. 

She glanced out Akaashi's window as she started the car, seeing Bokuto standing on the gym's steps, his eyes wide as tears pooled from his eyes. She looked back to Keiji who sniffled a little, looking at his hands that were folded in his lap. 

"It's not too late." She said softly, but Keiji only shook his head. She nodded, looking to Bokuto a final time, seeing his teammates flooding out and gently pulling him away from the edge of the gym, Akaashi's uniform clutched tightly in his hands as he buried his face into the fabric, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed so hard, she could almost feel his pain. 

"It's for the best, Akaashi. Where we're going, they all know how you feel." She said, starting to drive off. The only answer she got back was the empty sob from Keiji, the heartbreak in his voice as he cried, sobbing as he curled into a ball, shaking like a leaf as he wailed. 

It was a horrible sound, not one that would make her angry, but one that she knew all too well. It was the sound of pain, regret, hatred, suffering, and the feeling of just wishing...Wanting everything that had happened to be a dream so that he didn't have to go through with this. 

Keiji paused from his sobbing after a little while, uncovering his face as he looked down at his hands, shaking as he looked up a little, seeing the charm that Bokuto had gotten for him, a small owl that had it's eyes closed. 

It was the only gift that he had ever gotten from Bokuto. 

He sobbed again, and soon, his crying tired him out, and he had fallen asleep, his hand clutched around that small charm, wishing that he was back with Bokuto, and that everything had just been a cruel dream. 

But he knew. He knew that it was not a dream. It was a nightmare, and one that he would never wake up from again. 


	2. Chapter 2

Akaashi woke up in a daze. He was curled up in his bed in his room, his new room. Who had moved him, and when?

He blinked slowly, sitting up a little to find that he was still in the clothes from yesterday, his head pounded at the memory. Just remembering Bokuto's hurt face made Keiji cringe and his heart wilt in pain.

He wanted to go back, back home where Bokuto was, where they were best friends, and when nothing hurt them. He missed those times horribly. He just wanted to go back. 

He curled around into a ball, feeling the charm around his neck, his still fragile heart broke once more, and he sat up, hurling the charm across the room. Why the hell should he have to worry about Bokuto? The boy had rejected him, he had nowhere else to feel whole anymore, he had nothing to live for..

He should just...

He should just die.

He snapped his eyes open as he went over the thought again. Death? What the hell was he thinking?! He couldn't kill himself! He...He shouldn't...

He looked over to the desk top where a bottle of pills where, his mothers pills that hadn't yet put away, and he reached over, grabbing onto the bottle and popping it open before staring at the pills inside, their small circular bodies taunting up to him as he poured some into his hand, shaking at the thought of what he would do next. 

There were one hundred. 

He took ten. 

It took about ten minutes for the pills to set in, for the poison to fill his body and make his heart clench and his stomach drop as he fell to his knees, throwing up a scatter of partially undissolved pills, bile, and blood, a mix that made him queazy, and throw up again, the blood spilling from his lips tasting rotten and putrid as he coughed, falling onto his side and moaning in pain. 

After he threw up for the third time, his mother ran into the room, screaming in terror when she saw the blood laced in his vomit as well as the pill bottle that sat on the ground. She ran to Keiji, picking him up and speaking to him in a voice that he had never heard his mother speak in before, and in his heavy mind, he could partially notice what was happening around him. 

"Keiji! Listen to me, don't you dare close your eyes!" She cried in a panicked tone, but Keiji was too far out of it to notice. His eyesight was fuzzy, and his body felt unnaturally heavy as his eyelids began to drop. His mother soon placed him on the couch, picking up her phone with shaking hands, tears in her eyes as she dialed in a number and pressed the phone to her ear. 

He didn't remember much after that, except for his mother yelling into her phone and loud noises of sirens that followed soon after. He coughed a little, flipping over as puke bubbled up, his stomach lurching as blood and bile pooled from his lips, only making his mother panic more. 

"Keiji! Stay awake-" Keiji didn't hear much more as he fell forward, soon feeling strong arms hauling him up before he became dead to the world, with only pain, heartache, and terror mixing in his sleeping body. 

And then...

He was gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> Cutting up ahead! If This Disturbs You, Then Why Are You Even Reading This?

Keiji doesn't know why he's here. Why he's in the hospital, why all of these people are trying so hard to save him. He was better of dead. Better off alone, better off anything that was this.

He looks down at the razor in his hand again, something grips his heart, and a heavy feeling rests on his chest like a weight that he can never remove. The voices in his head start to whisper again. 

_He never loved you._

He feels his chest tighten as he raising the razor to his skin. It was a shaving razor, one that he had pulled from the shavers in the bathroom of the hospital, his fingers still bled, making his grip slip a little, but he continued on. 

He pressed the metal onto his skin, feeling the warmth of blood as it runs slowly down his arm in crimson lines. He watches the lines, making more and more of them with slow, hard, even strokes and prides himself a little that he doesn't drop the bloodied razor. 

He knew why he was in the hospital. He had nothing left to live for, he had nothing more that he could do, nothing more that he would bring himself to do. And so he continued, making line after line after line until he had reached the crook of his elbow, his hands shaking a little as he pressed them against his face, dropping the razor into the blood filled sink and feels hot tears trickling down his cheeks.

_You're such a fucking idiot._

This voice in his head is new. It echoes and claws at his soul, attempting to rip every last bit of happiness away from him as he presses his hands harder onto his face, sinking to his knees before anger surges through his body. 

He rips the heart monitor from his finger and tosses it away before he falls onto his back. He's crying now, tears leaking onto his temple as he lays there, closing his eyes as the door to his room slams open, nurses and doctors rushing in and gasping in horror before they rush forward, all of them talking to Keiji. He chooses to ignore them. 

He didn't move. He didn't react as he was picked up from the ground and is rested against the wall, but lazily opens his eyes when the panicked doctors orders him to. His body feels hollow as he stares into the doctors eyes. They're a cocoa brown, and for some reason, Keiji is attracted to them. 

The doctor has short brown hair that is styled perfectly, and pale skin that is almost the same shade as Keiji's, and his name is Oikawa Tooru. 

Keiji lets his arm be disinfected without flinching, looking at Oikawa Tooru who is talking to him even though he seems to know that Keiji is no longer listening. He stares at the wall and glances up vaguely when his mother bursts through the door, her eyes are streaming with tears and she looks horrified.  

When she runs forward, Keiji expects her to hug him tightly, but as his head snaps to the side and pain blooms in his cheek, he realizes what has happened. His own mother has slapped him. 

The nurses are the first ones to hold her back, but she doesn't struggle, only glares at Keiji. 

"That fucking monster isn't my son! You're a disgrace! I hate you!" She screams, and Keiji's eyes widen as he stares at her. 

"You're not my son!" 

Pain slams into Keiji's heart.

"You should have never been born!" 

More pain. Keiji can feel tears gathering in his eyes. 

"Die! Go die you worthless, dirty, stupid, fucking shit!"

Akaashi lets the tears fall freely as his mother is dragged out of the room. His hands shake as he brings them up to his ears, pressing them to his head hard and before any of the doctors can do anything...

He screams. 


	4. Crossroads.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that goes two ways.  
> In one, Akaashi will die, in the other, Akaashi will live. 
> 
> Choose wisely. 
> 
> :3c

An hour passes after Keiji's mother is pulled out of the room. A whole hour where he sits perfectly still on his bed and stares at nothing. His own screams still linger in his head and make his ears ring. 

Most of the doctors have left already except for one. Oikawa Tooru. 

The young doctor is sitting on the chair beside Keiji's bed, he's talking even though Keiji has long blocked him out. One of his hands is gently overlapping Keiji's, squeezing it a little. It feels warm, so Keiji doesn't move. 

He welcomes that warmth, welcomes the horror that is flooding in his bones. He lets Oikawa touch him, lets those warm hands cup his and holds them tight. He doesn't pull away, but after Oikawa stops talking, he glances over a little and see's that Oikawa is staring at him. 

"C...can I be alone?" Keiji asks after a long silence, seeing Oikawa's eyes flicker in surprise. The doctor pauses for a few moments before he nods, still looking hesitant as he does so. 

"Fine, but I'll be right outside the door." He says before he gets up, squeezing Keiji's hand a final time before he turns and leaves the room. 

As soon as Keiji is certain that he's gone he shuffles out of the bed and walks to the bathroom, careful not to let the heart moniter fall off his hand, and stands in front of the mirror, staring deep into his own soulless eyes.

He glances as his arm, bandaged up and tinted pink from blood. He holds his arm up and lets his fingers glide against the bandages, feeling the scratches under them pierce with pain that he ignores. 

_You had to have ice in your veins to do that._

Keiji's breath shudders as the voices come back. He shakes as he looks back up at the mirror, and sees the Razor poking out of the trash bin behind him. He turns slowly, walking in small steps before he fishes it out and holds it up, feeling the crusted blood on it he smiles a little as he walks back to the mirror. 

He wants to watch himself do this.

_You're expecting the ice to melt, aren't you? But it doesn't._

He raises the razor to his neck and finds a big vein before lining up the razor to it and pushing down. He takes a deep breath before he presses down harder and feels blood start to leak out. He closes his eyes for a moment and listened. 

_It just gets colder and colder...._

_And you **welcome it.**_

Without another second of hesitating, he rips the razor across his neck, choking as blood starts to spill out. His legs tremble as pain flickers before his eyes as he falls to the ground, the heart monitor clacking off of his finger and going flatline as he falls, coughing up blood as he lays there. 

In a second, Oikawa is back in the room. Keiji makes hesitant eye contact with him and sees the horror on his face before the flood flowing from his neck turns cold, and he closes his eyes. 

Then....

He feels nothing. 


End file.
